After a healthy dose of self-reflection I’ve realized that after being in the cammodel industry for so long I often feel that performing live on cam is as natural for me as breathing and I seldom discuss my first time. I am no longer nervous before turning on my webcam and it’s extremely rare that I’m frazzled or allow any of my customers to get under my skin. Looking back on my transition from phone sex operator to cammodel I’m clueless as to when exactly I became so unbothered? And let me point out that the original reason I began to reflect in the first place was not due to some congratulatory manifestation, but mostly because of the plethora of models who’re just getting started. Many of whom are so terrified with thoughts of being found by relatives and neighbors, that they constantly ask questions like “Can I wear a mask while on cam and still make money? And oh would it be okay If I don’t show my face. I just wear the mask as a backup.”
Whereas me, I’m just sitting over here like “Hey, you found me!”
Now after I’ve completed my “deep and thoughtful” contemplation, I’ve come to the conclusion that I too was once a newbie. I honestly cannot remember if I was nervous and freaked out about my first time on cam (remember I’d done phone sex prior) or just blissfully ignorant to what was in store? Because after a far too expensive trip to my local sex toy shop
lies I went to a store 15 miles away and a carefully planned outfit (neon orange) I hopped my butt on cam with just one clip-on lamp and the fluorescent light bulb from my ceiling. I was ready…?
My First Time
began on the macdaddy of all camsites, MyFreeCams. At the time I was brand new to the biz and had no idea that this may not have been the smartest idea for a first time cammodel. But wait! I did put some thought into it and signed up for Streamate simultaneously. However after studying all of the pretty and sparkly chatrooms from the land of fantastical cammodels, I decided that MFC was the place for me. I created a cute little corner space in my bedroom and 1..2..3 turned on my QuickCam (POS) AF Webcam. Unbeknownst to me the colors on my crappy cam could be adjusted through the Logitech software. So there I am in a shockingly sexy neon orange teddy sitting under fluorescent lighting waiting for my audience to arrive.
It didn’t take long. I do remember getting a little excited and maybe sort of tingly when I saw the rush of grey names pop into my chatroom. I couldn’t believe it my first time live on cam and so many great guys showed up to teach me how to do my job. It was amazing. If only they’d tipped while giving me these instructions the moment would have been priceless. Instead I stood there shaking my ass for greys because during my previous research I didn’t realize that greys are members without money. How I overlooked this I will never understand. Because I was new with a camscore of 1200 I believe is where you start on MFC, I’d had a steady amount of traffic coming in and out of my room. To be clear, most were leaving my room. Some would stay long enough to make a comment and then POOF, he was gone. Despite that nonsense all was well until this one hellish troll piped up with the weirdest insult. I just sat there with my mouth wide open. Looking back on it what he said wasn’t all that bad but because I was new and I had put so much thought into what I was wearing
not really he’d left me speechless.
What does that even mean?
One of the helpful greys in my MFC chatroom began to explain that my ensemble had a sort of effervescent sheen to it and because of my poor lighting my chocolate brown skin looked as black as a crayon. And those were his exact words “BLACK AS A CRAYON”. Wait a minute! I don’t think that guy was being helpful, really? And then after that the original troll started calling me Crayola. It was total bedlam. I had lost complete control over a chatroom that I’m not even sure If I’d ever had control in the first place? So after two hours on Myfreecams I logged off with around 250 tokens. I spent the next two hours trying to determine exactly how much that was, to be honest to this day I’m still not sure. The token system is so confusing. Those guys who did tip had been tipping me in nickels. Imagine going to a strip club and some guy plucking little coins onto the stage. Pretty insulting, right?
Looking back I’m not sure if I felt any sort of devastation because I do have a thick skin and had far worse things said to me as a phone sex operator. But the internet troll was a new beast that I would have to get used to. After I logged off MFC, I decided to give Streamate a try. However this time before I went live I needed to change my outfit and put on a super tight t-shirt. A black tshirt. Maybe not as black as a crayon but pretty dark. Then I grabbed an additional lamp from my living room and placed it directly on the floor right in front of me. Yay for up lighting. I mean everyone looks amazing from that angle, amiright? I did a few more adjustments to make myself look a bit better but still I had no idea that I could adjust the cam at this point. When I began feeling more confident I logged onto Streamate sans the encoder. I didn’t understand what it was, so why should I use it?
Sitting and waiting for my chatroom on Streamate to fill up was very different than when I’d waited on MFC hours before. This time around everyone’s name was the same color and there were only 5 guys at a time in my chatroom. I remember that I didn’t have to wait long before my first private show and the guy was really nice. He knew that I had just started and didn’t ask too much of me. During our show I believe I did a little dirty talking and a tiny sashay and ten minutes later I had completed my first camshow. I was so pleased and excited that I almost logged off before someone else could take me private. I heard the ding then froze and just like that I was in another show. As time went on I got more and more confident with each show and quite honestly was having a blast. Everyone was just so nice until and old friend showed up and said
This guy had followed me to Streamate from MFC. It never crossed my mind that the same es. Nor did I ever think that they would go to different sites on the same night. But why did I think that? After all I had worked on two different camsites in one night, so why shouldn’t he? It’s truly ridiculous when I think back to how naïve I was. As I sat there fumbling in with my mouse trying to figure out how to ban him, I heard the sound of the ding again. The private chat had begun and shockingly the name up top was none other than the troll from MyFreeCams! I almost banned him but now the professional internet troll was paying to talk to me. So I chilled. I asked him what he was doing because it was so confusing. He told me that he never spends money on MFC because, why? “The girls are butt naked anyways” and then he said that he keeps two windows on his computer open for each site. When he saw me on Streamate he got excited and decided to get a show. Now I’m not saying that there’s a moral to this story, because fuck that! Trolling camgirls for fun is just not cool….but soon after he explained himself and I realized that I was getting paid by the minute to listen to an apology somehow all the other crap just faded away. Maybe it was at that moment that I became unbothered?